There are a number of things I do differently than most, one of which is I’m not a big condolences guy. It’s not that I have anything against people sincerely feeling for someone’s loss, it’s just that I’m weird…
One of the most hard-rooted values I have is treating others how I want to be treated. When I have lost someone, people’s condolences don’t make me feel better. In fact, they’re more likely to make me think about it as a loss, and feel sad. I know their intentions are good, so I will surely appreciate it. But…
I feel like me giving you my condolences is like me announcing my presence within your loss. It’s like I want you to know that I acknowledge your loss, and I too have felt pain. But in announcing that, I would be causing you to think about your loss. I’m not a big fan of dwelling on losses in a sad, condolence-kinda way, so I try not to initiate those thoughts in others.
You should know however, that I do feel for you, just silently over here. I don’t want to stir your thoughts or emotions, but if they’re already stirring, I would be happy to try and help. In trying to help though, I can be like a little kid trying to help their parents even though there are things I’m simply not equipped to handle. I’d just be happy to help. I can only promise you my best effort, and I’m sorry if I mow your lawn with a toy lawnmower.
Should you happen to be someone who brings up their loss to me, you may stun me with a lack of words. I feel the best thing I could probably say to you might be something like “do you want to talk about it?” But most likely I will give you some kind of obvious observation (especially if I’m working) like “that sucks”, or if I’m not in a rush you might get an “are you okay?”
I feel like when I say something like this, it could be taken the wrong way. I’m not really trying to tell anyone to stop doing what they’re doing. Like I said, I appreciate things for the good intentions behind them. What I am trying to say is I am different, and this is why.
It’s all love anyway. Peace!