Judgment, Anxiety and Staying in your Lane

In response to a Facebook post…

Judgment is an interesting fear for me, because it took me so long to overcome it. It took me well into my 20’s to actually get comfortable in my own skin. I had a constant fear of what people thought of me, deeply rooted into a childhood where it felt like my entire, tiny school disliked me. Because my school was so small, I spent every year with the same 30 people in every class who, in my mind, hated me. While I could go over the 20+ year evolution of my coping mechanisms, this is a blog, not a book, so let’s skip a few years.

When it comes to a fear of judgment, it’s important to recognize that the judgments themselves do not matter, we’re talking about how judgments affect our feelings and behaviour. Some of what we think people are judging of us, is simply fabricated in our own minds. And even what is actually communicated judgment, doesn’t matter much if it doesn’t affect you. Unfortunately for me, it took me late into my 20’s to stop caring what people think of me.

Eventually, I had to acknowledge that if I lived my life from a place of love and respect, I could not care what others thought of me and my actions/words/appearance. If I fully approved myself and my actions, it would not phase me if someone else did not approve.

Like many things, the solution to fear of judgment is simple yet difficult. It is simple because you just need to make your judgment of yourself is so good that no other judgment matters. It is difficult because you have to actually face yourself and the parts you don’t like in order to make that happen. Only when you like these parts of yourself, can you stop worrying that others don’t. The hardest yet deepest solution is undoubtedly to face your hatred of yourself, and turn into love. You can run, but you definitely can’t hide from yourself.

The next topic was anxiety. Fortunately, my strategy for anxiety worked quite well for me, and transferred well to coping with many other fears. The most important thing about all fears and negative emotions, is that conscious thought will interrupt the emotion at the time. Let’s say a situation arises that makes you anxious, your breathing gets shallow, your blood vessels tighten, and panic starts to set in. A conscious thought can interrupt the whole process and allow you to analyze it from an outside perspective. If you suddenly recognize your own anxiety, you can look at it objectively and say to yourself “my breathing is quite shallow, I should take a deep breath”. Without a conscious intervention, you can get stuck in the anxiety quite easily and allow the tension to rise.

The second most important part in my dealing with anxiety is associating my fear/anxiety with life/death. Our brains are wired for fear as a way to keep us alive. Reminding myself that “As long as I’m alive when this is over, I’m okay.” That has always been huge for me. It’s actually what allowed me to overcome a lot of obstacles around the ages of 7-8-9. I conquered a fear of spiders, claustrophobia, and developed an endurance for running long distances, all based on this very concept. No matter the obstacle, I knew that if I could keep breathing, I would be fine. And I would often project myself forward into the future, looking back at this moment of struggle, and appreciating that it was over. This became easier over time, because that moment always came, and I made efforts to notice that what I originally struggled with, was now something conquered.

This is all easier said than done, but it all starts with a conscious intervention. Recognize your feeling, recognize it’s not serving you well, and take a deep breath to begin changing it. That’s all I got on this one.

The last one I want to cover was quoted as “Staying in your own lane, and not worrying about fake liars.” Or something along those lines. Years ago, when I first started driving, I found I had trouble driving in a straight line and managing all my micro-steering adjustments. I found that I could drive straighter if I moved my eyes further down the road. I think the same applies to this question, if you can look closer to the finish line, it’s easier to realize the chants on the sidelines really aren’t that important. This doesn’t fall too far from the judgment tree. If you are true to your values, it won’t matter much what lies or opinions cross your path, your eyes are on the prize.

Eyes forward, deep breath, you’re gonna be fine… You always are. Love!

Top 3

#1 – Your decisions.

I’ve already said that I believe you choose your own destiny. You have to find your own way, your own recipe, your own craft, and be proud of your own weirdness through it all. All you got is you and your decisions.

#2 – Your execution.

You’ve committed to something, and now it’s time to execute. Maybe you hit your mark, maybe you don’t. All you got here is your best effort, and your best effort to learn from your best efforts.

#3 – Your grit.

This is a common #1 in my motivational audio lately. I really can’t argue, because it stands by my core principals. Throughout the course of your decisions and their executions, you will be faced with a variety of emotional reactions. How you manage these, and the grit you pull out in face of your darkest emotions will determine your glory. Whether you want success, love, happiness, you’re going to face your own beasts.

I would apologize for bringing any fights to your doorstep, but I think that’s what I’m here to do. At least I can say, I’ve come to fight with you.

Love!

Appsolute Tools

If you’re trying to check some goals off your list, there’s undoubtedly some tools out there to help you. Here’s some of my favourite apps that help me stay on track with my goals:

“Hay House VB” is a vision board app that allows you to make classic peg-board-like collages of your goals. It’s super simple to use, and the backgrounds I have made with these are by far my favourite, keeping my goals in front of me on the regular.

“Google Keep” is my new organizer. I use it to create my checklists, take notes, and to write my blog. I colour the backgrounds red/yellow/green so I know how complete the idea is. The app stays synced across google.keep.com so I can start an idea on my phone and pull out my computer to pick up where I left off.

“Technique” which is formerly “ubersense” is a great video app, for athletes especially. It has frame-by-frame scrolling, side-by-side or overlayed videos for comparison, and the ability to draw lines to check your trajectories.

“MyFitnessPal” is a dietary tracker with a database so big you can scan a barcode and get all the nutritional info loaded instantly. I used it mainly to track sugar, but whatever your fitness goals, this app has its uses.

“Mint.com” is a great financial tracker. You can build a budget and it will automatically categorize your debit expenses based on the location you used it. It can also warn you if you’re approaching or going over budget limits.

And lastly, though it is not an app, I use YouTube-to-mp3 converters to turn all my favourite motivational videos into audio on my phone. Some days I prefer to turn off the radio and listen to something that feeds my soul.

Hope you find something useful. Love!

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